letter to kian: 9 months old!

dear kian, yesterday you turned 9 months old. time goes by fast and soon you'll be one year old. i keep daydreaming about a birthday party for you. i've always done that, look forward to things... it used to drive me crazy how it was so hard for me to focus on the present because i was always looking forward to what will happen in the future... i like to think that's one of the things you're helping me change... you're making me enjoy the moment as it happens. i still think about the future a lot, but it's mostly because it's fun to imagine what will happen, where we'll be, what we'll be doing, and i do have a very active imagination. but i'm a lot more present, a lot more conscious of the right here and right now. this is it. and i'm enjoying every second of every day.
i had no idea it would be like this. before you were born i had no idea how natural motherhood would be. i find it a little strange how people have been doing this for thousands and thousands of years and somehow everything has become so complicated that most people are actually scared of being parents. and they let fear and insecurity take over. when in reality being a parent is the most natural thing in the world. perhaps i'm over simplifying things but that makes it easier than over complicating things... ha!
i guess what i'm trying to say is that i hope i always feel this way. i hope we always have this bond. i hope we keep things simple. i'll always be your mom and you'll always be my son, my first born. i love you and i loved this past 9 months. whatever the future brings... i'm totally enjoying your babyhood right now. happy 9 months!